Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
