So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
