I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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