There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
