We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
