This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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