I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
