you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
