Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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