it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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