I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
