Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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