I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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