I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is Oprah even human
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
