Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I just sharted jello shots
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