This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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