coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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