if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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