At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
