i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
