i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
