Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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