I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
