im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
