I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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