i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
