adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
