I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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