My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
