This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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