He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
