Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
