Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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