You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk is not a location!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
