I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
