and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
