And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
