I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
