I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
