can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
