I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
