you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
