It's Friday. Sex?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
