there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
