please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
