I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if only i could text you this smell
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
