I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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