My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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