either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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