I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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