I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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