Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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