Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
